Derek Dujardin

Posts Tagged ‘Eve Ensler’

The MENding Monologues performed in Kenya!

In Uncategorized on April 29, 2015 at 12:00 pm
Poster version one of the show.

Poster version one of the show.

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The MENding Monologues was performed in Kenya in late January 2015. I thought about going to the show to see it for myself, but the $1,800 plane fare was just a little too steep. Naomi Mwaura, the show’s producer, told me in an email the following: “This is the first time that I have seen my team of actors cry before and during a performance. The MENding Monologues performance did so well that the US Embassy in Kenya is willing to sponsor us to perform to their employees. Am so EXCITED!!

Sincerely,
Naomi Mwaura | One Billion Rising Coordinator-Kenya

WOW. I am excited, too. Not just for her, but to see what they wrote and how they performed it. She has promised me a DVD of the show. If I am able to upload videos of it from the DVD I am sent, I will be posting the content here. Stay tuned.

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Bath Love: "How to have 73-year-long romance with your wife."

In Uncategorized on September 18, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Bath Love

Written by Derek Dujardin

Intro: “This is a true story. In 1986, I was nineteen years old, and working as a Lifeguard at the YMCA in Everett, WA. One of my regular lap swimmers was a 93-year-old man named Jerry. Every morning, he would drive his electric golf cart down from the retirement home. After he swam, he would sit and talk to me. About his sex life. Which was over like 40 years ago. But that didn’t stop him from talking…Oh there’s Jerry now. I’ll let him tell it.”

(Derek exits / Tyris enters as an Jerry the old man)

I was married to the same women for 73 years. Seventy-three years—that’s like ten marriages to most of you. (pause) It was to me, too.

At the retirement home, the young kids always ask me how I made it last so long with Maria, and I tell them: “You fall in love many times. But always with the same person.”

I’m the resident marriage counselor there. All the kids all come to me with their problems. This one fellow was having trouble because his wife wanted a new wedding band for their tenth anniversary. The first one was cheap. They didn’t have any money when their first got married, but now he has a good job. But he didn’t want to spend a couple thousands bucks on something that he said was “lavish, extravagant and frivolous.” And I said, that’s the point, dummy. It’s supposed to lavish, extravagant and frivolous. Love is not supposed to be practical.    He put up a fuss and finally I said: “Never mind, kid, her next husband will buy it for her.” He bought her the ring.

You know, I dole out advice about marriages the way they dole out medication, but I really don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. The reality is, I was happily married 73 years because we took baths together. It was as simple as that.

The baths started after my son Daniel was born. My wife was petite. Just a little thing, maybe 100 pounds. She nearly died giving birth to Daniel. The doctor said she wasn’t built to have more babies and would likely die the next time.

He told us we needed to start using birth control. So we went and talked to our priest, he wouldn’t let us use birth control, even if Maria’s life was in danger.

So, I went back and talked to the doctor by myself he told me what to do. He told me to use the Swirl-and-Swish method. I know you’ve never heard of this. When I tell people we did this for 25 years, they tell me it would never work. Well, it worked for us. Or maybe God saw fit not to give us another baby. Either way, whether you believe me or not, this is what we did.

The doctor gave me these directions: He said “Right after coitus, you get your butt out of bed, and run your wife a hot bath—as hot as she can stand it. And then you tell her to squat down and put her fingers inside and Swirl-and-Swish out the semen. Do that every time, no exceptions.”

Yeah, we didn’t think it was going to work either. But what choice did we have? We did that every time we had sex. And she never got pregnant.

Every time she was done Swirling and Swishing, I would crawl into the tub, wrap my arms around her and we would doze off together.

Even after the doctor told us that she was too old to have children, I would still run her a hot bath after sex. It was a ritual. For us, it became as indispensable as kissing. I think she looked forward to my baths more than the sex.

Over the years, I got really good at running baths. Adding bubbles, and salts and oils. We did that until she got sick. Maria passed three years ago. I’m not scared of dying. To me, death is just another chance to be with Maria.

You know, I look back on my life and I can’t remember entire years. Sometimes, it hard to remember in which decade a memory lives.    They flitter about like butterflies. But I do remember those baths.

(Tyris, fading back, slowly exiting)

Those baths.

Those baths.

Those baths.”

(Derek re-enters)

About six weeks later, Jerry stopped coming to the pool. I asked around and found out he had died from a stroke—and get this—he died of all places—in a bathtub.

My thoughts went back to the story that he told me. I liked to imagine that as the water turned cold, he felt Maria wrap her warm body around him one last time. Or maybe for forever.”

The End—————-

A lot of people want to know if this story is true. Jerry did exist. He did have a wife and he did use the swirl and swish method because the Catholic church wouldn’t let them use birth control. (By the way, I don’t recommend that as a reliable source of birth control.) He did run her baths after sex. However, that’s about it. All the jokes are mine. The real Jerry wasn’t that funny or insightful. I added that to make it more entertaining. He was a little senile. He told me the EXACT same story over and over again. I must of hear it at least 20 times. Which is probably why God had him tell me it so many times so 20 years later I could make a monologue out of it.

Anyway, the real Jerry was a little bit of a pervert. My first draft had in some of his real comments and we had to them out. He was a little too interested in my sex life, would ask me some uncomfortable questions and gave me advance that I’d rather not repeat. So, there you have it. I don’t know if Jerry died in a bath tub or not. If he didn’t, he probably should have. I added bit for poetic license. Hope this doesn’t ruin the magic for you. Much love,

Derek

"What would 'IT' say?

In Uncategorized on September 11, 2009 at 8:24 pm

So, this is my first post of someone else’s work on my blog from The MENding Monologues. Karen was in the Vagina Monologues here in Sedona two years ago and performed in a piece called: ‘What would it say?’ In the piece, Eve Ensler asks woman what their vaginas would express if it had a voice, including what would it wear, what would it smell like, what would it say to men, etc. It’s a very funny and insightful piece, but Karen felt it didn’t convey her point of view that the vagina was sacred. I invited her to write a counter point to this piece and this is what she wrote. It is one of the favorite pieces in our show and I feel it is carries an excellent message to young woman or any women who has felt that she had to compete with the penis…

One note: The italic is an interviewer asking questions of the vagina as disembodied voiceover.

The Vagina gives the women a piece of her mind.

The Vagina gives the women a piece of her mind.

The Puritan

VO: In this era of liberation, why has no one asked the vagina what IT thinks?

<From Vagina>

Ahem!  You want to know what I think?

YES!

Really?

Yes.  You have the floor… sort of.

Relax!

Me?

Yes.  No – everyone!  That’s what I want to say.

Don’t get so worked up.  And stop doing things on my account.  I’m not as starved and angry as you think!

No?
No!  I just want peace.  And respect.  And Love.

What makes me angry is when you women forget how sacred I am.  I am a place of life, of nurturing, of new beginnings… of Love.  Artists used to write poems and paint pictures celebrating my beauty and sacredness.  Now, I’ve been thrown in the ring to compete with the penis!

What?

Sure!  I’m supposed to be “liberated”.  Equal.  I have the green light to fight for the same treatment as men with penises, for the same opportunities, and for the same sexual freedom.

Problem is… no one asked me if that’s what I wanted.

So that’s not what you want?

I am so much more than just the inverse of a penis, ladies!  Stop trying to turn me in to one!  Don’t you see how amazing I am?  I do so many things.  I stretch and conform to accommodate your needs – I change every month, and you wouldn’t even recognize me during pregnancy…

So what do you need from us?

Value me.  Hold me sacred.

Why have values upholding purity and my sanctity been belittled and denounced as sexist and “out of touch”?  Why is purity “freakish” in today’s society?  Just maybe the Puritans were more in touch with me and my needs than you all think.

Really?

Sure.  I like to keep myself and my sacred place clean, peaceful and beautiful… and organized.  I enjoy entertaining the one I love, but I don’t want unexpected guests!  Who ever declared an open door policy here?  I wouldn’t bring just anyone over to your place, especially unannounced.  Why would you wave them all in to my place?!?

What if that’s not what we planned either?

That’s a crime against everything sacred. Rape is an obvious denigration that shatters all semblance of dignity and sacredness of me AND you.  I wish liberation eliminated that violence.  But it didn’t.  WHY NOT?

Maybe because we can’t control the actions of others or their obsession with domination.

That’s true.

So what can women do about that?

Sadly, maybe nothing.  But you can ask yourselves, “Have I taken my own vagina seriously?”

You wanted me liberated to experience pleasure without consequence, but yet you don’t value or even see my blessedness anymore than the men who abuse us do.  Instead, this open door policy… where countless streams of men wander in and out (and in and out) with no appreciation of the sacred place in which they find themselves.  Why do you give them a free pass?

There’s a double standard.

Yes, but I have a brain.  You should know this.  Stop putting me in the ring with the penis.  In a time when it’s not just OK but actually hip to denounce religion, conservatism, and chastity while supporting lifestyles and choices that devalue my sanctity… all in the name of freedom and liberation, what else are we to expect?

WOMEN, you cry out AGAINST violence and abuse of yourselves and your bodies by men… but what are you doing to yourselves?  What have you told yourselves in the process?

You want to liberate yourselves, but from what?  Abusive men?  Yes!  The devaluation of women?  Right on! Hatred and Injustice?  Sign me up! … Responsibility?  Good Judgment?  Consequences of your choices?  Stop right there!

If you cry out against violence to women, you cannot then neglect your own bodies or use them as weapons or tools of abuse.

Maybe the Puritans really did know what they were doing.  Why are we so eager to slam the door on that?  Sure makes my life easier!

Fine, call me a Puritan.  Out of touch.  I don’t care.

I want to give LIFE and celebrate real LOVE.  I am SACRED.  Embrace that and you WILL be liberated.

Tantra. And how it kicked my ass…

In Uncategorized on September 4, 2009 at 4:44 pm

I wrote this piece for our very first show three years ago and some of the other guys said it wasn’t appropriate. So, I chickened out and didn’t do it, even though it was my favorite piece. Later, in a different show, I did this piece and I had several women come to me with tears in their eyes saying it was beautiful. (Note to self, trust your gut, Derek). Once I posted it on our web site at The MENding Monologues, it quickly became the most requested and most frequently performed piece by third-party groups, mostly by women’s groups trying to raise consciousness of men around sexuality and violence. This piece sums it up pretty damn well.

TANTRA. Written, lived and performed Derek Dujardin

Tonight, I’m going to tell you all about my sex life.

(Cough)

This will take about six and half minutes.

Two years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. We were together almost seven years and I loved her very much. Sex wasn’t a problem for us. In fact, it was probably one of the things that keep us together for so long. But ultimately, our relationship wasn’t sustainable. We broke up.

Her first rebound after we broke up was with some guy who was a Tantric master. He takes her to heights of sexual ecstasy.

How do I know this? Well, my ex and I get back together for a sleepover, and I will tell you, she’s a completely different woman. And I ask her, what happened to you? And she says: (breathy, three heavy breathes, then) “Tantra. Did you know that the vulva can be stimulated from ten different directions?”

No, I didn’t know that. (Clear throat, cover crotch)

As funny as that is now, at the time, I was crushed. Because I wanted to be the guy who opened her that way. Not someone she had just met. After that, my sexual confidence just cratered.

That was first time Tantra kicked my ass. And it wouldn’t be the last.

And men, you might want to listen up because Tantra may be looking to kick your ass too.

So, a few months later, I meet this beautiful flight attendant in Seattle. She actually picks on me and asks me out to dinner. We date for about a month. Let’s just say my confidence gets restored.

Then she invites me to take a week long Tantra course with her in Hawaii. But here’s the catch: She needs a commitment first.

I tell her the truth; I just broke with someone who I was with for seven years. I can’t rush into another relationship. She says “Fine, I’ll take the class by myself. Hmp!”

Well, she’s not by herself for very long. At the class she meets a fellow student and they practice tantra— on each other—for like five days straight. I innocently call her up and ask “how are you enjoying your tantra class, honey?” And she says: “Exalted. The best sex I ever had. Met a German man named Hogart, I’m moving to New Zealand with him. I’ll never go back to having sex the old way again. Did you know the vulva can be stimulated in ten different directions?”

Yeah, yeah, I think heard that somewhere. (Clear throat, cover crotch)

Tantra kicks my ass for a second time.

A couple of months go by, and I met this really charming woman at a seminar. We go out on a date and she tells me she an intimacy coach. She actually teaches tantra. In fact, she’s goes to India and takes month long courses on tantra.

And, I will tell you, for the first time in my life, I’m on a date with an beautiful woman, and I’m actually afraid I might have sex.

I was afraid we would be in bed together and she would say something like: “Did you know the vulva can be stimulated in ten different cosmic dimensions?”

But we didn’t go there. We end up being really good friends. I’m a slow learner, but I finally figure it out: The Universe is trying to tell me something.

So I start reading books on tantra. I took tantra classes. Did this so I could be technically better at sex. And tantra definitely helps with that. But there’s all this other stuff about Breathing and Energy—and God.

God?

Maybe that’s part of my problem. I never brought God into the bedroom before. Unless it was “Oh, God! Oh God! Oh Gawd!’ while making my goofy face. (Fake orgasm with goofy face on stage.)

By the way, that was the Upper Middle Class Nerd Orgasm. Pretty much the only one I know.

Alright. Back to God. For most of my life, I had this concept of God as Pissed Off Old Grandpa. But over time, that changed into a loving, accepting, supportive God. Except, in the bedroom, God was still a pissed off old Grandpa. And, there’s nothing sexy about pissed off old Grandpa’s in the bedroom. No offense, sir. (Gester to the oldest guy in the room.)

But seriously, after reading these tantra books and experimenting with the energy, I’m starting to see sex and relationships in a whole new way.

Tantra is about connecting and achieving union. Sexual energy is just an access point to that. It’s not just treating a woman like she’s a goddess. It’s about loving her as Thee Goddess.

In Tantra, they even have these names of reverence for the genitals. The penis is called the “Jade Shaft” and the “Scepter of Light.” Isn’t that so much nicer than Pecker, Prick or Dick?

They call the vagina: “The Precious Gateway”, “The Golden Doorway” and “The Flower Heart.” Isn’t that cool? The clitoris is called the “The Jewel in the Crown.”

Hmmm. Just imagine the empowering pillow talk Barry White could have using words like this?(Barry White impression) Baby, oh yeah baby, I’m gonnaput my Jade Shaft into your Flower Heart and then fiddle with the Jewel in the Crown until you feel like the Queen of the Universe.

Then I had a serious revelation. Are you ready? Here it is: I believe part of this violence towards women problem stems from how we raise our children to think about sex. And it goes beyond the words we use.

As a boy growing up, I had no enlightened role models around sex. Who does? Our culture has a lot of shall “nots” around sex, but not very many shall “dos”. We don’t have giant stone statues of Gods and Goddesses and Divine Beings getting on with each like they do in India.

We have my mom saying things like: ”Sex is dirty before marriage. It’s sacred after marriage. So keep you pecker in your pants until your married. End of story.”

As a culture, we teach that sex is dirty, profane and degrading.  So, is it any wonder that we have generation after generation of boys who grow up to be men who gravitate towards sex that is dirty, profane and degrading?

What if we taught boys that sex was sacred?

What if at puberty we had a sacred ceremony, a rites of passage, where Older Men told Boys something like this:

“Son, that stirring inside you is your masculine God energy awakening within in you. That desire to procreate is also the desire to create. To learn. To love. To build your body. To dominate in a sport. To lead. To achieve. That isn’t just hormones to be denied, but nothing short of the masculine side of God expressing itself through you.

And son, one day you will meet you opposite and your complement. And she will test you in every way imaginable. But if you are able to stay open to her, the rewards will bountiful beyond measure.”

What an empowering gift that would be to young men? And what gift to women!

If sex becomes sacred to boys, will not grow up to be men who will not use sex as a weapon against women or themselves.

As said, at the beginning. It seemed like Tantra was trying to kick my ass. Now I see that Tantra just waking my ass up.

In my relationships, I’m endeavoring to see the Goddess with in them. And maybe in my looking, I’ll see God within myself.

That’s where Peace and Love, can really start to Get It On!

———-The End———-

Post Script: After I did this piece, I got a lot of attention. Female attention, which was great. Except I wasn’t able to handle it with the level of integrity that was required or was respectful for women. I felt like a rock star. My inner teenager teamed up with my libido and I nearly undid all the good that I had built in doing this show and working with V-Day.

I realized that part of my motivation in doing this piece was to get dates! When I saw that, I got some help. I actually stopped performing this piece for a year in a half until I could get my inner character in alignment with my outside persona that I was showing to the rest of the world. I’m still not perfect, I still have my bad days, but I’m way better than I used to be. I’m finally at the place where I can start performing this piece again and know I’m doing it for the right reasons.  Today, I have to remain present to the fact that a lot of women project on to me positive traits they want in a man. And I have no right to take advantage of those projections. While I do embody many of those positive traits they project, and perhaps they are more of reflection how I’m being, nonetheless, my daily practice is to grow into image that they see and who I know I can and will be. Thanks for reading.


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